Pre Thanksgiving

Alright, so I figured I should make a pre-Thanksgiving post so that when I've completely gorged myself on pumpkin pie and yams this week, I'll know what a bad girl I've been.

I weighed in yesterday at 191.8. Yay!!!!!!!! So from my highest point at 214, that's a total loss of 22.2 pounds. 

I forgot to move my pebbles around, so sorry no picture, but when I dip into the 180s I'll take one I promise. I also need to get one of me in my size 16 jeans. They're too big! Annoyingly so! Unfortunately, they're not too big everywhere, so I don't know if that means I can go down a size. I can put my 14s on, but it's not pretty, or comfortable in some places. With my 16s I have to cinch my belt so tight to hold them on, it makes it pucker all weird in the back and stuff, and I could get them off without unbuttoning them or anything. But my hips are still too wide to go smaller, really. So I guess this is the weird/frustrating part of weight loss. I'm too small for the jeans I have been wearing, but not small enough to go down a size, so I don't look good in any of them.  But hopefully that will work itself out soon. And I'm too cheap to go buy a pair that fits me right now because I don't plan on staying at the size I'm at for long.

The 180s are the hardest part for me since that's as far as I got, and where I've been for the last couple of years. I think I was at 187 on my wedding day, so it's really my "mostly healthy stage"  in my mind. Obviously if I'm really supposed to be at like 136 (that's a 22 BMI), 187 is way above mostly healthy, but that was the reality I had to accept before I knew what to do about  it. Also, when I did Weight Watchers before, I bottomed out at 180, but never went even a tenth of a pound lower than that. Even getting to 180 took me ages and ages longer than any of the other weight.

Since the 180s are so hard for me, I figured I would set myself some temporary incentives to get myself excited. So when I get to 185 I get to have my hair cut. If this happens by Christmas, I might even color it too. It's getting really long, which is great since I've been growing it out, but I've been almost a year since I've cut it and the ends are starting to split. I think my hair has been healthier since I've been starting all this, largely thanks to the multivitamin I've been taking and getting my thyroid under control. Hypo-thyroidism makes your hair really dry and brittle, which curly hair is naturally anyway, so mine was really bad.

Then when I get to 179.9 and finally see a 7 in the tens slot, I get to buy myself a pair of shoes I completely don't need. I figured that was a good girl goal, and hopefully it will get me through this pretty tough stretch.

So there you have it. Success, goals, and hopefully I won't stuff myself like a turkey for Thanksgiving.

Progress, finally!

Okay so I've finally made some progress! Since the last time I posted, I'm down to 194.9 lbs. Hurrah! Below 200 and over 5 lbs lost in the last month! (that was the goal I set in my Wii fit, so I got little stars when I weighed in tonight and completed my goal)

Here's how my pebbles are looking:

Pretty exciting right? I mean, yeah, there is still a lot of pebbles in the right bowl, but the little pile in the "lost" bowl is getting bigger!

There are downsides, however. Metformin is still the death of me. I hate that crap. I still haven't heard from my doctor about the results of my blood test, so I need to call again. I'm wondering if my fasting blood sugar levels will reveal some more clues to the answers. Also the cold weather is making it more obvious that my thyroid is too low. I've started to take partial pills to up my dosage like he told me to at my appointment, but I wish I knew how low I was so that I could maybe increase it more quickly than a fourth of a pill at a time. Jake has a hard time getting my feet and hands to even warm up, let alone stay warm.

The other problem, is that my medication has all but removed my appetite. I joked the other day that my drugs are giving me a eating disorder. I totally feel like I'm anorexic sometimes and don't want to eat. It comes and goes, but I don't want to be messing up my internal organs, so I'm careful to make sure that I'm taking enough calories in, even when I don't feel like eating. Some foods, like Chinese, I haven't been able to eat since I've gone on my meds, they just sound disgusting, which is sad because I miss going to Panda, and I love making my own fried rice.

I also have noticed that I've been very emotional and a little erratic. This might be partially due to the fact that I either am exhausted and spend the whole day dozing off in my classes, or I'm an insomniac and am jittery all day like a drugie going through withdrawals. I think I know what it is like to have Bipolar disorder because I have stages of mania and times where I just need to cry. Jake has been a real trouper to deal with all this. Now I don't want you to think I'm a complete mental nut case all the time, I'm mostly my usual self, but I have episodes where I feel a little out of control.

Hopefully the weight loss will continue and then eventually I'll be able to stop taking all of these medications that do weird things to me and everything will be hunky-dory.

Doctor's Appt

So I went to the doctor yesterday.
First off this was really frustrating for me because he thought I could have lost 30 pounds by my appointment, and I only lost like 2. I think he could tell I was pretty depressed about that, and he reached for the tissue box about the same time as I started tearing up.

What he tried to remind me is that it's still going in the right direction. I think he said something along the lines of "I'm not doing to lie, you are fighting a hard battle here." PCOS is suckish at best and it's not going to be easy.

We discussed switching me to spironolactone instead of metformin which would help with my acne and the unwanted hair, but it doesn't help with weight loss. I decided I care more about my weight than I do about my acne, and if I remember correctly from a year ago, at about 180 lbs. my acne essentially disappears anyway. It also has seemed recently that the acne wash he gave me makes me break out more, so I've stopped using it daily; that seems to irritate my skin less.

He prescribed an addition to my Phentermine called topamax. It's a medication used to prevent migraines but they have found it also helps patients to lose weight. The two medications are combined in a new drug called Qsymia, but it can be really expensive, and it's cheaper to buy the drugs separately.


After talking to him about everything (i.e. that I'm taking a spin class, and I eat less than 1500 calories everyday, and sometimes I even struggle to reach that) he requested some blood tests. The facts seem to indicate that my metabolism is still not working properly which is a symptom of my hypothyroidism. I probably need to increase my dosage. I also didn't eat before I went so that he could take a fasting blood sugar level reading.

I should hear about the results of my blood test on Monday, so I'll post when I know about that. And I didn't even cry when she drew the blood! You should all be so proud of me for that! (When I was younger I used to virtually throw a tantrum when I would have to get my shots, needles are not my thing.)

Getting down to 170 by Christmas is becoming a more distant goal, but I still want to be a size 10 by graduation so I can make myself this killer dress I found a pattern for at Joann's.  Actually it's a size 12 pattern, but I still have some curves. I've told myself I can't make it until I get there!(They were having a $1 pattern sale, I couldn't resist!) On the upside, Jake told me I was looking skinnier today, maybe it's just that my jeans are all stretched out from their last washing again, haha. But we'll hope he's right.

Spin Class Triumph

So I haven't weighed myself in a while, the last I checked I hadn't lost or gained anything (frustrating!!!!!)

But anyway, a spot of awesome news yesterday. I've been super sick with a cold and have been feeling pretty bad, even had to stay home sick last week.

But then yesterday I was starting to feel better, so I went to my spin class and was feeling really well. I even went 13 miles during our 45 minute class. Cool huh? I was so excited. I know it's not super awesome for other people, but I haven't really ridden a bike at all in the last few years, so I was proud I got that far. And I still have the rest of the semester to get better!

Back to School

Well, I'm not so good at writing on my blog as I thought. Oh well.

Let's see, weight loss progress: yesterday I weighed in around 198 (I don't remember the exact weight, but the important thing is that I'm under 200.)

I got an email from BYU today telling me that I got added to my STAC class, which is Indoor Cycling. Basically I think it's a spin class and lots of the people on Biggest Loser have had success with that.
Jake and I are going to take it together, Monday nights at 5:00. I wasn't so sure about taking it as a class,but you can't get on the spin bikes without being enrolled and I probably don't know what I'm doing anyway, so it will be nice to have an instructor. I'm really worried about being around other people when I know I'm so out of shape, but hopefully with Jake there I can just concentrate on us and not have to worry about what other people think of me.

Mostly I just hope this class gives the information and drive I need to be able to keep using my bike and get to a better point in my life.

I finally got some cute fish bowl things to put my pebbles in (remember from earlier, the pebbles that each stand for a pound I need to lose) and now I just need to label them. I'm thinking about chalk painting them so I can update my totals each time I transfer pebbles. But that might be too much work. Maybe I can just write with a dry erase right on the glass? I'll have to try that out.

Carb cravings.

Noticed a class on overeating in my Ed Week program. The Monday class was subtitled ending carbohydrate cravings: balancing blood sugar. I'm always craving carbs, maybe I should be better about taking my metformin! Then I might not feel the need to consume an entire sleeve of crackers.

unexpected progress

So after being 204.4 for 5 days, this morning I was 202.8 so down a pound and a half!

The interesting thing that I have noticed is that the back of my thigh muscle, while sore and a little stiff, actually feels like hard muscle now! It's not a giant jiggle of jello, at least in one spot. So that's fun!

The other day we rode our real bikes to the duck pond and I made it okay, just had to rest a little before we came back. So that means I can ride my bike to campus this fall, at least until it gets too cold.

Now I just need to order a basket to put my books in.

Setback

I didn't work out today or yesterday. Since I've had to drive jake to work in he morning I've just been really tired. 4:30 am is not my best time of day to feel motivated.
I've gained some weight back because if that probably so I'm at 204.4. It's frustrating to gain what I spent the last week losing. It's much easier to gain it than it is to lose it.
I'm also really bad at remembering to take my pils which is probably also part of my weight gain. I'm taking just one metformin a day to try to get used to it again.
I always take my thyroid and phentermine every morning.
Wish I hadn't gone backwards.

Pebble Idea

Alright, so this morning I took Jake to work since his bike is broken, and then I went home and started my workout. We bought me some new workout attire and I was feeling really awake for 5:00 a.m. surprisingly. I started with my typical routine, yoga and strength on the Wii Fit. This morning: half-moon pose, warrior pose, tree pose, and chair pose, then some leg extensions and squats.

After that I turned on my Netflix and watched Biggest Loser. I like to watch that while I work out so I get motivation and I pretend that when Jillian or Bob is telling a contestant to work harder, they're actually telling me to work harder. It's getting to the point though that the people are starting to weight less than I do, which can be discouraging since they started out worse than I did. The difference is that they get to spend all day every day working towards their goal, and I have to go to work and keep my life in order.

I also sorted my pebbles I bought at D.I. last week. I saw this thing on Pinterest where they used the pebbles to visualize how much weight they had left to lose. So counted out 60 large pebbles and 10 small ones. The large pebbles are pounds and the small ones are tenths of a pound. so when I lose weight I'll transfer from one jar to another and exchange ten small pebbles for one big one. (That means since my goal is 150, I started the pebbles at 211 so I could already put some in the "lost" jar.)

I want to make mine as cute as the one on her blog, but I only had a pickle jar this morning. I'll need to find a matching pair and then make the cute letters. I'll probably just cut them out with paper and glue a label on, vinyl seems like too much work for this. I'll post pictures when I get it all done, and then post pictures as my progress continues.

I really should take a before picture, maybe there's been one of me at a camp this summer or something I can use. I suppose if I lose as much weight as I want to, any picture of me taken since 2006, and therefore over 160 lbs, will be a before picture.

This morning I weighed in at 203.7 which is moving in the right direction. It seems to be going really slowly, but I suppose that when you weight yourself every day, and lose 0.7 lbs a day it's hard to see the progress. But over a week that's 4.9 lbs lost which is fantastic. That means the pebbles should help me see how I'm doing over a period of time. It will also give me the satisfaction of a physical action to reward me when I lose weight.

Weight Loss Starting Line

So in order to make myself more accountable for exercising and eating right and stuff, I'm going to start posting daily about where I'm at and how I'm doing that day.

To start out, let's talk about what's going on with me. So first of all I have hypothyroidism. That can cause weight gain, fatigue, minor depression, etc. etc. I currently take a thyroid medication every morning to help my thyroid. I also have a Vitamin D deficiency which is essential to thyroid processes. So I take a supplement for that. (about 5000 iu's)

My doctor also believes I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. This can also causes weight gain and even makes it difficult to lose weight. For this my doctor has prescribed Metformin, a medication commonly used for diabetic patients but has been successful in helping people with PCOS control their weight. It should also help with hormone issues like my acne.

In addition to the other medications, my doctor has prescribed Phentermine to help speed up my weight loss. I take half a pill each morning with my thyroid medicine.

So basically I've got a mix of genetics and heath conditions that compiled with my bad habits have gotten me to the state I'm in today.

Last year I did Weight Watchers and was really strict with myself. I was down to 180 in September, the lowest I've been in a couple of years. Then I just couldn't get any lower and actually slowly started gaining weight again even thought I stayed on my diet. That's what prompted me to set an appointment with Dr. Lundell who has had success with PCOS.

So anyway, I'm hoping that with the meds I'll be able to get further this time. My highest was 214 and I'm down to 205 right now. Which according to my Wii fit makes my BMI 32.99. I think my waist measurement is a 36, but I'm not sure that I'm measuring in the right place. My Wii fit says to have a healthy BMI I should weigh around 123. That's a pretty long way to go, and I wasn't even that thin when I was a teenager. I feel that 150 would be reasonable enough and that's at the high end of normal.

My doctor believes I could be down to 170 by October when I have my next appointment with him. The important thing at this point of my life is that I'm at a high risk of health problems if I don't change. The most pressing of this is decreased fertility. With PCOS I'll have trouble getting pregnant and if I don't lose the weight I have a higher risk of miscarriages.

I recently bought myself a retro exercise bike
isn't it cute?

So hopefully with my bike the house I can just get on and not have to worry about what exercise to do or where to start. So that's somewhere to start anyway. Then once I feel stronger I can progress to riding my real bike in the real world.

Wow, this post ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. Anyway, just wanted to put something down in words so that I can see how I'm progressing.